Why WordPress Sucks

This post is completely sarcastic and humorous. I actually have a love for WordPress, so please don't take this the wrong way.

WordPress sucks…  Yes, you heard me right:   W O R D P R E S S – S U C K S.  I write today to save you from the agony named WordPress, and to prevent you from conforming to the number one content management system.  

To explain it better I have provided two pictures.

You, when not using WordPress:  

You using WordPress.

"Wait a minute, you use it."  I use it because the only tutorials available are for it.  I use it because I was following the crowd.  Well, that was a mistake.  WordPress kills me more and more every time I use it.  The makers should be ashamed of creating a free CMS for blogging.  Now every one can start a blog for free; Think about all the noobs who constantly waste your time with their LOL cats pictures and crappy duplicate content.  Because of WordPress the internet has been held back.  Why can't they be more like the revolutionary Internet Explorer 6?  Why!  WordPress sickens me.

What I hate even more is that everyone uses it.  Maybe they want to have categories(blogger doesn't have categories), or not pay 250 dollars for Typepad.  These people sicken me, and if you are a WordPress user immediately convert to another platform.  Every succesful blogger has to use WordPress.  WordPress, WordPress, WordPress.  Stand out from the crowd, use something else.  Or better yet, code your blog from scratch like they used to do before blogging CMS.  Trust me, you will thank me.  It may take a few years to learn, but it's all worth it.

And all the stupid plug-ins.  They are enough to make any resonable person bang their head against their computer, take off their clothes, and run outside screaming.  I know, I have done it many times.  When I relized that there were thousands of plug-ins, and they were free, I almost threw my computer out the window.  I didn't though, I knew I had to dedicate myself to the prevention of WordPress.  The plug-ins just have to be automatic to install too.  What ever happened to a challenge.  Bloggers of today have no problem skills thanks to WordPress's stupid plug-ins.  With them, they don't even have to code anything.  I don't remember anything this bad since they came out with CSS.

When I found out that you could easily find and install free themes, my computer got it.  I threw it out the window, burned it, and smashed it with a hammer.  What happened to taking months and months to design your own themes, then get laughed at when everyone hates them.  You can even customize themes with no coding required! 

I got back from my psychologist today.  After he helped me control my anger, I bought a new computer.  Since i'm 13, i'm quickly running out of money.  I had to use my life savings on the computer this is being written on.  My psychologist told me to quite WordPress so I don't hurt myself or my belongings.  I told him I would, but I knew I couldn't.  I have to stop the madness. 

One minute, I'm recieving a comment.  Wait, how did he/she upload that image.  It doesn't say she signed up for a WordPress account!  Okay, she/he informed me WordPress uses a universual system where you don't even need to get an account.  What!  No account needed!  Were's the constant filling out of forms, the annoying password retrevial?  It's all gone.

I am on a thread here.  I am more disturbed than iv'e ever been in my entire life.  Anyways, today i'm just recieved a reply to my thread on Digital Point forums.  I was asking where I should buy a spam filter for comments.  "Just activate Akismet", he said, "It's free."  My computer hit a tree as it flew out the window.

Wait, Before You Flame the Comments

As I mentioned at the beginning of the article, I don't really hate WordPress.  I don't think it sucks, I think it rocks.  

So why did I write this post?

I was tired of the boring old posts like:  "15 reasons I love WordPress", and "The Best CMS…"  I have no problem with this posts, it's just well, everyone writes them, and their as overused as the default WordPress theme.

 I wanted to show my love for WordPress, while at the same time providing an interesting and unique post.  That idea evolved until I ended up writing completely dramatic humor (my speciality).  So if you take me throwing my computer out the window multiple times seriously, then feel free to post comments like "Hey! You have not described any of the reasons for WordPress sucking" or "The only think that sucks is your writing style" or a host of other comments so inapporpriate I had to delete, I will agree with you.

The point of this post is to show off some of WordPress's great features in a humorous way.  So don't shun me, this site is proudly using WordPress, and I recently switched my other site from Joomla to WordPress (and Thesis).

Photo by LittleMan

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